Wearily upward

So I've made mistakes before.  The kind of mistakes that make me wince when the memories creep up on me in the stillness before sleep late at night.  Sometimes, it seems, the thought of forgiveness and redemption can drown out the self-reproach and allow me to drift off into a slumber.  Other times the wince seems to spread down from my face to my heart as feelings of guilt, iniquity and shame overwhelm me to the point of insomnia. We weren't made to live like this;  sluggishly carrying an eternal feeling of guilt around, like a heavy suitcase without wheels.  We also weren't made to leave that suitcase standing at the side of the road like a lonely commuter who just missed the bus.  It's part of our past, therefor it's part of us. Sometimes we don't realise we have this thing we carry around, like an awkward backpack with the straps broken, lost in the woods.  Often we don't even grasp that we've been carrying around our mistakes and shortcomings ...

History.  I love it.  I take great pleasure in going to museums, castles, ruins and other old places.  I enjoy watching history documentaries, much to my wife's frustration at times.  There is, for me at least, something special in being where something significant happened in the past, or learning about other people's victories and mistakes, their decisions that influenced the world in some way. History.  I love it.  But not my own... I've recently been thinking about a possible career change into more full-time, church-based ministry. I am currently the worship pastor at a wonderful church community in London, so I'm in church-based ministry already.  Now I'm thinking and praying through the possibility of going into ordination training in the future.  This brings up a lot of thoughts, questions and fears in me.  It will obviously have a massive impact on my wife and young daughter, our families in South Africa and Namibia and our plans...

We live in a dangerous world.  I’ve known this for a while now, but it has only recently become more obvious to me:  two months ago my wife and I were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.  Now I notice danger everywhere.  It’s amazing how quickly my perception of the world and all its dangers changed.  In the past I wouldn’t think twice about crossing a busy street.  Now I patiently wait at the traffic lights for the little green man to appear before looking both ways, before crossing the road.  Did the world change?   No.   I did.   Or at least my perception of the world did.   This, in turn, influenced the way I act in and react to the world. Isn’t this what Jesus calls us to do in John 13:34-35?   Read it.   He tells His disciples to love one another as He loved them.   The same applies to us, because He has loved us in the same way He has loved His disciples and the rest of humanity.   What does this mean...

Prayer I read a book recently.   It’s actually more like a pamphlet than a book, but everything seems longer on an iBook (or is it eBook?).   The book is called A Call To Prayer by J.C. Ryle and I would like to encourage you to read this.   Google it and you should be able to get a free pdf-format on the web. The thing that struck me most about this short book is the question he starts with:   Do you pray?   Then he goes on to explain why prayer is such an important part of the Christian life.   He also gives some practical advice on improving your personal prayer life and the consequences that may have on your life in general and specifically.   I really urge you to get a copy of the book and read it.   Very inspiring stuff.   Here’s a quote from the book: “Do you wish to grow in grace and be a devoted Christian?   Be very sure, if you wish it, you could not have a more important than this - Do you pray?” So I want to ask you ...