I'm changing the way I pray

I've been praying a lot more lately. That's always a good thing, I think. And, for me, my prayer time seems to increase the closer I get to my wits' end. I have found myself praying in the middle of the night, unable to sleep; at my desk while working, unable to concentrate; out walking with my family, unable to enjoy the significance of a moment. Most of the time I pray for various people and situations - whoever comes to mind at those times - but those prayers will always include a line that goes something like this: "Lord, I don't know what to do. Please show me what to do," but only in Afrikaans, because I commune with the Lord in my mother tongue... or the Language Of Heaven as many may know it.

Anyway.

C.S. Lewis wrote: "We must lay before him [God] what is in us; not what ought to be in us." And so many of my prayers changed a tiny bit. Instead of asking God to show or tell me what to do, I just straight-up asked Him for a miracle. Instead of praying "God, show me..."-prayers I started praying "God, give me..."-prayers. 

I'm sure that, if you're anything like me, there'd be something in your mind that makes you balk at the words "give me..." in prayers. Unless it's a virtuous request, of course; something I deserved or have earned, maybe. And that's what needed to change in my mind while praying. I used to justify my requests before God by coupling them to a noble cause or Kingdom Work. But there are times when even the Kingdom Work forces me to the end of my tether. In those times, when I have no possible answers anymore, when God's calling is bigger than my ability or available resources, when the future seems far bigger or dangerous than my courage would face willingly, that's when my prayers for strength and wisdom becomes a plea for a miracle.

The difference between those two prayers are obvious: one comes from a place where at least some of the success is up to me, while the other comes from being completely and utterly dependent on God. So to be in a place of utter dependence on God and trusting that He is who He says He is, is a good place to be, albeit an uncomfortable one. 

Being in a place of full reliance on God is where growth happens: where new skills are learnt, where faith is developed, where a deeper relationship and trust in God grows. It's a place of revelation: a place where an uncertain future becomes a little clearer after every step of faith taken, a place where one learns more about oneself and about God, a place where new dreams and passions draw one deeper into the unknown. It's a place of discomfort: a place where there is not enough of myself and my own strength to see something through, a place that often forces one to one's knees in humility and weakness, a place where a lot of opposition is met, a place where proclaimed faith is tested over and over and over again.

It is also a place where miracles happen: a place where yesterday's impossibilities are proved to be the easiest part of the journey so far, a place where faith in God is rewarded by bigger challenges, a place where one's testimony of God's character gets grounded in reality and experience. Being in that place on purpose is an acknowledgement that all good gifts come from God (James 1:17) not ourselves. It is showing intent to be still and know that God is who He says He is (Psalm 46:10). It is believing in what God can and want to do, and acting as if it were so already.

So here's my question: What are you praying about? And how much of what you pray about do you leave up to yourself to answer? Why not ask God for something bigger than your ability, bigger than your dreams even? Why not ask God for a miracle and a blessing?

Let me know how that pans out.

Selah.