Reality often sucks, but not always

I can't help but think that I disappoint my wife and kids more often than not. I get the sense that my wife fell in love with her mental picture of me back in the day, and I just can't live up to that person. At least not as much as I would like to. She never says this, but I get a vibe every now and then - a well timed sigh loud enough to hear from the other room, the uncontrollable look of disappointment when I don't do something "the right way", etc. My kids, on the other hand, just outright tells it as it is. Children are honest and sincere like that. I wonder whether that is why Jesus welcomed them so openly... 

Anyway. It's hard when expectations outweigh our abilities. Or, put differently, it's hard when the reality of who we are does not line up with the expectation of who we are.

We all do it. We all set expectations of others, mostly determined by our own experience and preferences. For example: a teacher has a classroom of children, each with their parents/carers with their own unique expectations of "what a teacher should do" and it is impossible for one person to fulfil all those expectations. Maybe you have felt the same pressure of others's expectations on you. Maybe you have felt the same disappointment when others did not fulfil your expectations fully.

We even do this with God. Maybe you have a set idea of who God is (or should be) and you feel disappointed when he doesn't do things quite the way you expected. I'll tell you a story to illustrate.

About 23 years ago there was a girl I really liked. I prayed about my feelings and about a possible relationship for quite some time and finally asked God for confirmation that a romantic relationship with this girl was as good an idea as I thought it was. It seemed the responsible and "Christian" thing to do.

That same day I heard a specific song that reminded me of her 5 times, which I subsequently took as the sign from heaven. I decided to confess my deep feelings for her, but she didn't feel the same way. Something about being "such good friends" and not willing to "change our friendship." I was devastated. How could God give me such a clear sign and then not let it come to something?

This episode wasn't the first time I experienced rejection, and it certainly wasn't the last. It would be easy to think that God must have made a mistake. And I would be mistaken to think that. As I contemplate why bad things happen, I am reminded of these verses from Romans 11:

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counsellor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."
(Rom. 11:33-36 NIVUK).

Firstly, I can know God. What an amazing thought! There is, however, so much of him to get to know that I will never know him fully in my time on earth. But, because of Christ's death and resurrection I can know him enough today to put my trust in him, and he will show me more of who he is as and when I need to know him more. As I trust him more. As I walk with him for longer and surrender to his will every day.

Secondly, the disappointments of this world does not disprove God's love for us. Instead it convinces me more and more that, as I deal with disappointment and rejection, that he is with me in the midst of the sadness. He is also with me when things go marvellously, and I can hold him to his promises. He is more trustworthy than I would expect a deity to be, so my expectations of him is actually too small. He is much more than I can expect of him.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
(Ephesians 3:20-21 NIVUK)

Thirdly, I can always trust in his love. Even when things do not make sense. Just like knowing that I often disappoint my wife, I can still trust in her love for me. I trust that, even though I'm not as great as her expectations of me, she loves me enough to accept me as I am as we get to know one another. In the same way, even though I fall short of the glory of God too often, I can still count on his love for me and his willingness to forgive and welcome me back. 

And all of that love makes me want to be a better man.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash