Running (away from the problem)

Today I started running (again). This was because I wore a piece of clothing yesterday that I would have labelled as "loose fitting" before wearing it yesterday. Just to make it abundantly clear: the piece of clothing (an old rugby shirt) can no longer be described as "loose fitting", but borders on "being sprayed on" like the Waratahs jerseys of the early 2000's...

I started using the Couch To 5K app (again), which is brilliant. I have the amazing Sarah Millican telling me when to start walking and when to start running with a "Are you ready? Gooo!" in her inimitable accent with just the right balance between optimism and realism.

When I was younger I would never have thought I'd need an English comedian telling me when to run or walk on an app because I was so unfit. I played rugby, coached squash, ran half-marathons, for goodness sake! I was fit and healthy! It was also at that time that my rugby shirt was, very much, "loose fitting".

However, as is the way of the world, things change over time. And some things change so slowly that you barely realise they've changed at all until you stop, look back, and notice the difference between back then and the present day. 

Photos have a tendency to do that for me. My wife and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary recently and I couldn't help but notice the difference between the fit dude next to my beautiful bride in the photo and the guy who scares me every time I look in the mirror.

Our kids notice as well... Our eldest said: "Pappa, is that you? Wow! You've changed!" To which I replied: "I know! I grew a whole beard and everything!" It was not the beard she was referring to...

Please don't get me wrong. I have no problem with growing old and gaining the inevitable weight that comes with knowledge, wisdom, experience and the odd glass of wine and merriment. Growing older is a gift and I will always see it as such. I was more struck by what was going on in my head when I realised how much weight I gained.

My first thought was: "Oh no. I will probably never wear this shirt with any degree of confidence again." Shortly after that I was mentally going through my wardrobe (a short, unchallenging exercise given the size thereof...) wondering which garments will need to be replaced with bigger, looser fitting sizes and stretchier materials.

Then I realised that I wasn't solving anything. I had identified the problem (gaining more weight than I should), but I wasn't trying to fix it (by eating better and exercising more), I was trying to hide it behind baggy clothes. 

And it struck me that this is a very human trait. We are lazy by nature, and addressing the problem takes more energy than accepting our "fate" and trying to hide it. There's a difference between putting up a brave face and being delusional in our ignorance.

More importantly, we often make the same mistake when it comes to our relationship with God (again and again). We would rather try to hide our shortcomings from him (and the people around us) like Adam and Eve did back in the day, all the while not addressing the real issue. Sometimes it is the shame of admitting our weakness, sometimes it's pride. We might think that repentance - admitting that we have done wrong - is the same as giving in to it, but we'd be wrong. Repentance is the first step in bravely addressing the issue of our sin. 

That's why I love David's prayer in Psalm 139:23-24 where he actively asks God to help him solve the problem of his sin by being honest about it (again and again). And I think the only reason he trusts God with doing that is because he knows a bit of God's character. John also knew a bit of God's character in the form of Jesus Christ. He knew Jesus well enough that in 1 John 1:8-10 John tells us exactly what will happen when we dare to be honest with God about our shortcomings. And also that we ALL need to do it.

I was also reminded that whatever my physical state may have been in my younger days counts for nothing in the present, unless I actively keep doing the things (like exercising) I did back then. All the running, cycling, squash-playing, hiking, rugby and surfing I did 13 years ago counts for absolutely nothing in keeping my weight down today. I have to address that problem today and every day. And the truly encouraging thing is that, as good a trainer as Sarah Millican is on Couch To 5K, I have the best Trainer speaking to my heart and mind every step of the way, no matter what comes.

If only I had the courage to follow his guidance more...

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash