Wearily upward

I recently noticed that 92% of my Gmail space is used. That is 13.88 GB of the available 15 GB, of which almost 9 GB is archived emails. It turns out I'm a bit of an e-hoarder... Anyway. Going to the very first lot of emails (that is numbers 1-50 of 39268 email threads) from 2006, I came across various emails that made me wonder who the heck I am. Lots have changed since then. Circumstances, people, names, pictures, and so much more. Scary, really. One email was from someone in the admissions office at my alma mater in response to an enquiry about studying medicine and what I needed to do to get accepted onto the course. I was quite obviously not successful, because this person referred to me as 'Dear George' instead of 'Nico' - which was the name I went by back then - (and still do...). So there's that trip down memory lane I would have liked to avoid. For some reason this email, sent 13 years ago, seems funny AND sad at the same time. Funny because it...

There's a story of a criminal who had once been before the courts, who was scheduled to appear once more. He rejoiced when he heard that an attorney who had defended him on previous occasions was now the trial judge. His attitude changed, however, when the judge stated, "When I was an attorney I defended you, but I am no longer an attorney. It is not my business now to defend, but to judge. I shall hear the evidence, and then I must deal with you in keeping with the oath I have taken in the office of judge." Similarly, Jesus Christ, who is at this very moment our attorney before the Father, even interceding for us, will one day return to judge every single one of us. Though He is our attorney now, He will be the judge then. And that reminds me, in a very real and relevant way, that I am not to be the judge of others. It isn't up to me to decide who is saved or will be saved on the day of judgment. I'm not even supposed to make a call on who is worthy of forgiv...

There's a story of an airline pilot who was about to take off from Boston to London. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," he said over the loud speaker system. "This is your captain speaking. We'll be crossing the Atlantic this evening at an altitude of 37000 feet. Our estimated speed will be 730 miles per hour. We should reach London in approximately 5 hours." After a moment of silence, the captain continued, "We will take off as soon as I get up enough nerve." I don't know whether this really happened or not. What I can relate to, though, is that I also, on some occasions, need to get up the nerve to do stuff. Sometimes I really need to motivate myself to do the big, scary, challenging things that needs doing. At other times I just need to motivate myself to get out of bed. Especially when going through times of self-doubt, loneliness, or feeling insignificant and worthless. The words of Maximus in the movie Gladiator  springs to mind: ...