It's not always easy.

There's a story of an airline pilot who was about to take off from Boston to London. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," he said over the loud speaker system. "This is your captain speaking. We'll be crossing the Atlantic this evening at an altitude of 37000 feet. Our estimated speed will be 730 miles per hour. We should reach London in approximately 5 hours." After a moment of silence, the captain continued, "We will take off as soon as I get up enough nerve."

I don't know whether this really happened or not. What I can relate to, though, is that I also, on some occasions, need to get up the nerve to do stuff. Sometimes I really need to motivate myself to do the big, scary, challenging things that needs doing. At other times I just need to motivate myself to get out of bed. Especially when going through times of self-doubt, loneliness, or feeling insignificant and worthless. The words of Maximus in the movie Gladiator springs to mind: "I am a slave! What possible difference can I make!"

I've been struggling with this the last couple of months. Real doubts about whether my being here makes any significant difference to the world I live in. I don't know whether it is because of all the major issues we're being reminded of in the news: Brexit (still...), the Amazon Rainforest Fire, Climate Change, and Donald Trump's latest Tweet (again...). What possible difference can I make to any of these massive issues?

Maybe it is because of my older and more settled insecurities: misunderstanding what humility is and should look like, remembering past hurts and feeling humiliated, or being reminded of past mistakes and feeling guilty. What possible difference can I, a fallible human, make in a world expecting perfection?

Or maybe it is the uncertainty of the future and the pressures that go with leadership and parenthood that gets to me: wondering what the next steps for our family should be, trying to keep the expectations and wants of others (both friends and family) in mind, feeling limited by resources and opportunity (or a lack thereof). What if my decisions now influences the lives of others in a sifnificantly bad or unwanted way? Where am I headed anyway? What if I get it wrong and miss the opportunities I should have taken?

I wish I could share with you that I have answers to all of these questions. I don't. I wish I could tell you that I'm feeling better by sharing them. I don't (and now I feel particularly vulnerable and insecure...).

But the real question I need to answer honestly is this: Would having these questions answered, needs provided for, and/or insecurities addressed solve anything? I suspect not. There will always be a new question to answer, a new expectation to meet, a new mistake to fix, a new challenge to face, a new insecurity to deal with.

Having said that, I'm also reminded that there will always be a loving, caring God, to whom we can take these questions, insecurities, sins and needs. And keep this in mind: He is bigger, stronger, smarter, and more lasting than anything we can face in this world. He overcame death. If anyone can help, it will be Him. And here's the good news: we don't have to go far to carry our burdens to Him.

Jesus says this in Matthew 11:28-30:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Easier said than done. Especially when responsibility (and taking responsibility) is such an admirable trait. But being responsible is not opposed to asking for help. Taking responsibility is not the opposite of reaching out for help. In fact, it would be irresponsible to let these things slide while Christ's invitation is open to all of us. We would be foolish not to take Jesus up on His word. Reaching out for help isn't easy. But not reaching out makes life even tougher. Take courage. Reach out.

Selah.