'Dear George...'

I recently noticed that 92% of my Gmail space is used. That is 13.88 GB of the available 15 GB, of which almost 9 GB is archived emails. It turns out I'm a bit of an e-hoarder...

Anyway.

Going to the very first lot of emails (that is numbers 1-50 of 39268 email threads) from 2006, I came across various emails that made me wonder who the heck I am. Lots have changed since then. Circumstances, people, names, pictures, and so much more. Scary, really.

One email was from someone in the admissions office at my alma mater in response to an enquiry about studying medicine and what I needed to do to get accepted onto the course. I was quite obviously not successful, because this person referred to me as 'Dear George' instead of 'Nico' - which was the name I went by back then - (and still do...). So there's that trip down memory lane I would have liked to avoid.

For some reason this email, sent 13 years ago, seems funny AND sad at the same time. Funny because it's a comical mistake (and not the first or only time this happened...), and sad because I was unsuccessful in what I thought would be the God-honouring future I was planning and hoping for. Also sad because it brought back the sense of invisibility - or anonymity - I still occasionally experience.

It also raised the question - again - about when to stop pursuing a dream; when to call it quits and move on to something else instead.

A friend from university was truly set on becoming a doctor. In the face of every hardship and closed door, he carried on trying, believing, pushing, knocking, working hard to achieve his goal. And now he is a doctor. A good one, by all accounts. His perseverance paid off. He followed his dream and became the God-honouring doctor he planned to become.

I took a different route back then. I gave up on that dream; changing it instead to fit my level of faith and willingness to work hard amid disappointment after disappointment. And that is sad. I can't help but wonder... what if... is it too late now... do I have the stomach, the determination, to chase a dream to the end?

If I'm honest: no. I want to give up on this and all the other dreams I had when I was younger, then probably moan about not having all the opportunities that others had to achieve their dreams and goals. I guess giving up dreaming would solve a lot of these questions.

But it would also not be a God-honouring life, would it. It's like the story Jesus told of the servant who hid his talents instead of using what little he had to multiply it and use it wisely. It doesn't end well for him...

So here's the thing; the nugget; the golden Tweet: If you're tired of chasing your dream, working hard against all odds and challenges, don't give up. Rest. Then pick up where you left off. It'll be worth it in the end.

In the mean time, if you're looking for me, I'm sorting through 39268 emails to decide which is worth keeping.

Selah.