Wearily upward

A couple of days ago, my family and I took a walk around our new neighbourhood. It being in England AND during winter, this meant doing it as quickly as we could between rain showers. At one point a beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky in front of us (pictured) and it got me thinking... Growing up in a fairly dry part of South Africa, a rainbow always gave me a sense of excitement, because it meant that it was raining somewhere nearby. Rain was always needed, and therefore always welcomed. Living in the UK (where it rains A LOT more frequently than in South Africa) a rainbow also gives me a sense of excitement, but for a different reason: it shows that the sun is breaking through the clouds somewhere nearby. Rainbows happen in the same way in South Africa as in the UK. It's the same physics: water drops reflect, refract and disperse rays from the sun creating a rainbow. And yet, in different contexts, the same phenomenon means different things to me. In one context it remind...

I had a bit of a sad moment recently. I was dropping off my daughter at school and we were late, so I had to check her in at the front office, rather than leave her at her classroom door. After she was checked in, she turned to me and said (very maturely for a 4 year-old) that she'll be okay, because she knows the way to her class from there. And it struck me, watching her walk down the corridor, that we've dropped her off late enough times to make her feel comfortable with it. It's almost like being late for school has become the norm for her... And that makes me incredibly sad. There are mitigating circumstances however: we've recently moved house, so we're still figuring out how long it takes to get to school (in good and bad traffic), what to do when we miss one bus and the next one is only in 15 minutes, dealing with a 2 year-old son/brother who loves to wrestle rather than get dressed and let others get dressed, etc. All of this got me thinking about what ...

I was setting up our church's stage for a Carol Service recently and came across an interesting sight: a big stuffed toy in the shape of a shark was lying on top of the crate with electrical extension cables we store in the pulpit. "There is a shark in the pulpit," I thought. That's a phrase you don't hear very often... And so it got me thinking about pulpits and how different people value them. How important are they really? Some may argue that they are very important and that they should be treated with far more respect and reverence than to let them become a storage space for stuffed animals and extension cables. I can understand that. The pulpit is, historically, where the good news of hope and salvation in Christ was preached from. Now, for those reading this that do not know what a pulpit is, a pulpit is a raised, enclosed platform from which sermons are (were in our case) preached (like the one in the picture, which is not ours). Most pulpits I've c...

My family and I moved house recently. It was a gradual move, i.e. we got the keys to the new flat on a Monday and finished moving the following Sunday. This meant we filled and emptied our little Toyota Yaris (Car Of The Year in 2000, no less!) around twenty times that week to move the contents of cupboards, drawers, shelves, etc. to the new flat. I thought that would be a less stressful way to move house. And it was... to some extent. The stressful part was going down metal stairs outside our old flat, at night (when the kids were asleep), carrying two or three Ikea bags full of clothes, pots and a random set of Tintin DVDs I bought in 2012. However, I never slipped once during the whole move, no matter what I was carrying. By the grace of God! I have slipped on those stairs before, though. Twice, in fact. The first time was on a bright, sunny day, on my way to work, laptop bag on my back. The second was on a cold and wet day, on my way to work, laptop bag on my back. Rememberi...

Everything that has a start, also has a end. It's the way things tend to work: mobile phone battery, Christmas ribbons, the chorus-bridge loop in worship songs (thank goodness), a warm cup of tea, spending time with loved ones, long-winded blog posts... and even life itself. For the most part we tend to want the difficult, bad, challenging things to end quicker. We also want the nice, fun, good things to go on forever. There is, however, an art and a necessity to putting a full stop in the right place; after the good and the bad. As a musician and aspiring creative I often find it hard to know when to stop. Adding another verse to a song doesn't always make the song better (Charles Wesley may disagree...). Using too many words when trying to explain something can often lead to more confusion than clarity. Adding more objects to a picture than is necessary can create so much noise that the message gets lost. I can go on, but I'll stop there... for now... We find the pe...

If I were to ask you to think of a perfect person, who would you think of? Do you know anyone who is perfect? Some may have said, yes, I know The Perfect Person (Jesus Christ). Others may have said, yes, I know this one guy/girl who is perfect. Still others may have said, no, the perfect person doesn't exist. Whatever your answer was to the question above, you would have used some sort of evaluation matrix or mental checklist, a benchmark of perfection to measure or discern whether someone is perfect. This may vary from person to person. We don't all evaluate things (or people) in the same way. Something I would describe as perfect might not even come close to being perfect in your eyes. Like the perfect poem, or the perfect sunrise. The perfect wedding, or the perfect rugby game at a World Cup Final which the Springboks won against England, 32-12... Perfection can be very subjective. But Jesus, in Matthew 5:48, tells the crowds He is teaching to 'Be perfect, theref...

When I was 19 I led a youth and churches ministry team visiting the nine churches in the seven towns around where I grew up. We visited schools, did assemblies, youth camps and ministered at church Services for a year. Before one of these church Services I distinctly remember praying, "Lord, may everything that happens at this Service be to your glory alone." Halfway through the second song of the sung worship (which I led on guitar, alone) one of my guitar strings snapped. I kept on playing for what it was worth, because there were still two more songs to go! About two verses and a chorus later, another string snapped, rendering my guitar uselessly out of tune. We finished the song a capella , which was nice, but I was pretty shook up. Uncomfortable. Even angry, trying to figure out why this happened. Surely this was a spiritual attack! How could God allow this disruption, this distraction to happen while we were worshipping Him? How could He allow me being uncomfortable w...

It's been a while since I last posted a blog. Various things influenced this: my oldest starting reception and thus adapting to a new weekly pattern, being in the US for a wedding, a sense of being overwhelmed with preparing for Christmas Services already (it's almost November!), feeling pressure not to think about Christmas yet (it's not even November yet!), and viewing loads of flats/houses in an effort to move at the end of November. But mostly, I think, I haven't been writing because I was using all these very real things as excuses to cover my lack of inspiration. Although... reading this paragraph again, it seems that it may be because of November... Anyway. I have found that being busy can be as much of a hurdle to achieving my goals as being lazy is. It is incredible how much of my office I can (and want to) sort out and rearrange when I have a talk to prepare for or a Christmas Service to plan (yes... in October...). I can very easily keep myself busy with ...

I recently noticed that 92% of my Gmail space is used. That is 13.88 GB of the available 15 GB, of which almost 9 GB is archived emails. It turns out I'm a bit of an e-hoarder... Anyway. Going to the very first lot of emails (that is numbers 1-50 of 39268 email threads) from 2006, I came across various emails that made me wonder who the heck I am. Lots have changed since then. Circumstances, people, names, pictures, and so much more. Scary, really. One email was from someone in the admissions office at my alma mater in response to an enquiry about studying medicine and what I needed to do to get accepted onto the course. I was quite obviously not successful, because this person referred to me as 'Dear George' instead of 'Nico' - which was the name I went by back then - (and still do...). So there's that trip down memory lane I would have liked to avoid. For some reason this email, sent 13 years ago, seems funny AND sad at the same time. Funny because it...

There's a story of a criminal who had once been before the courts, who was scheduled to appear once more. He rejoiced when he heard that an attorney who had defended him on previous occasions was now the trial judge. His attitude changed, however, when the judge stated, "When I was an attorney I defended you, but I am no longer an attorney. It is not my business now to defend, but to judge. I shall hear the evidence, and then I must deal with you in keeping with the oath I have taken in the office of judge." Similarly, Jesus Christ, who is at this very moment our attorney before the Father, even interceding for us, will one day return to judge every single one of us. Though He is our attorney now, He will be the judge then. And that reminds me, in a very real and relevant way, that I am not to be the judge of others. It isn't up to me to decide who is saved or will be saved on the day of judgment. I'm not even supposed to make a call on who is worthy of forgiv...

There's a story of an airline pilot who was about to take off from Boston to London. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," he said over the loud speaker system. "This is your captain speaking. We'll be crossing the Atlantic this evening at an altitude of 37000 feet. Our estimated speed will be 730 miles per hour. We should reach London in approximately 5 hours." After a moment of silence, the captain continued, "We will take off as soon as I get up enough nerve." I don't know whether this really happened or not. What I can relate to, though, is that I also, on some occasions, need to get up the nerve to do stuff. Sometimes I really need to motivate myself to do the big, scary, challenging things that needs doing. At other times I just need to motivate myself to get out of bed. Especially when going through times of self-doubt, loneliness, or feeling insignificant and worthless. The words of Maximus in the movie Gladiator  springs to mind: ...

I was travelling in Central Asia a while ago, and, after returning to the regular fold of things, I reflected on my journey and experiences. I reflected on how wonderful, amazing, awesome and truly memorable it was as I rummaged through photos and some of my journal entries. The scenery was breathtaking. The people we met were beautiful, sincere and truly friendly. I was blessed with being part of a marvellous team, sharing stories, laughing together and making prescious memories. It was awesome. And yet, on reflection, if I were to single out one thing that made this trip super special, it would be not being needed for anything by anyone. I recognised that (for me at least, and probably for all people working with other human beings in some capacity) it is good to get away from being needed by others. Sometimes. For various reasons, I suppose. One being that we can easily fall into the trap of making others' need for us the defining part of our identity. Another being that it...

Fear can make us do funny things. I remember as a youngster how, after my evening bath, I would switch off the bathroom light, run through the living room (in darkness) and into the safety of our well lit kitchen. Then, at bedtime, I would jump onto my bed from a significant amount of feet away, just in case there were something with hands underneath it. "Were I the only one?" I think as I check for creepy fingers beneath my desk at work... Fear also makes us miss wonderful opportunities and experiences. On the other hand there is FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out); doing so much because you're afraid of missing out. The underlying driving force, however, is still fear. Whether it impels us into doing/attempting too much (FOMO), makes us freeze (not doing/attempting when we should), makes us fly (jumping onto our beds for no apparent reason), or makes us fight (putting up walls/defences with fists and guns raised), it is all driven by fear. John sees the Christian life in...

I don't know if you experience the same thing: going away for a couple of weeks, coming back and feeling like you've not been away at all. I've been away for two weeks. Apparently lots have changed. England won the Cricket World Cup in a nailbiter of a final; Boris Johnson is the new PM (and the world has not ended... yet...); my (nearly 2-year-old) son seems to have grown up all of a sudden; London experienced it's hottest day ever. And yet, on my walk to work this morning, it all seems to be exactly the same as I left it two weeks ago. The same shops are still selling expensive coffee; the E-car charging points still have the same graffiti; there is still the same amount of traffic on the road; people still wear headphones while walking (as do I); my desk at work is still messy (sorry about that...). So what's the use of going on a significant journey if coming back only means more of the same as before? I don't know. But what I do know is that, because ...

I recently entered our living room after a quick Sunday afternoon nap, to find our kids (Madeleine, 4; Ruben, nearly 2) eating some popcorn. Madeleine's first words to me were "Pappa, we ate your last marshmallows. Mamma said we could." This was fine with me, so I jokingly said "Okay, then I need to eat your popcorn, now..." To which Madeleine replied "You better eat Ruben's, 'cause mine's all done," That seems a bit unfair, I thought. Having both marshmallows AND popcorn, then letting your little brother "pay" for it with his popcorn. Almost as unfair as 'having the best of both worlds.' Almost as unfair as the story Jesus told about the workers in the vineyard who got the same wages for doing an hour's work as the workers who worked all day (Matthew 20). Almost as unfair as another story Jesus told about a son who left his dad and brother to live the wild life, then being lavishly welcomed home, while the other bro...

I had a lot of big dreams (the aspirational kind) when I was younger, and it was a fairly diverse array of ambitions at that. I wanted to play rugby for the Springboks, write and record at least five studio albums, become a medical doctor, travel the world to write award-winning articles and take award-winning photographs for National Geographic, then retire on a South African vineyard when I turn 35. None of it came to be. In fact, my dreams and ambitions have changed quite significantly as time went by and circumstances changed. Now I aspire to raise my children to become good human beings, to be faithful in how I do my job and handle my responsibilities, to write a good blog post every now and then, and, if I'm lucky, have a quiet cup of coffee with a beautiful view (the view being optional as long as the silence is attainable). And though these aren't necessarily bad dreams and aspirations, there is the sense that there is more to life than just having a cosy beverage...

How do you wipe your bum? Don't answer that... it's a rhetorical question. It might even be a philosophical one. And it's one I never thought of reflecting on, because I assumed everyone does it the same way. At least until I started thinking about teaching my kids how to wipe their bums. I only realised that there are different methods to this very private action after I got married and we passed the awkward "going to the loo in front of my significant other" phase. {I'm still awkward about this, btw...} TMI? Now, even though wiping one's bum is a very private action (and rightly so!) we, as Christians, can fall into the trap of thinking that the same applies for how we do church. In other words, we can easily assume that my church's way of doing things - whether it is style of worship, using liturgy or not, having kids in or out for the Service, etc. - is the best or right way of doing things; or even the only way of doing things. How wrong we are ...

There's something about watching sport that I really love. Being able to see (and share in) great skill, talent and an immense amount of hard work combined with striving for victory and glory is a privilege. So, with the ICC Cricket World Cup hosted by England and Wales, I've been on cloud nine for the last week. But not really. Being a cricket lover AND South African has made the last week or so very difficult. The South African Cricket team (the Proteas) have gotten themselves labled as 'chokers' (which means they 'choke up' in big games and lose, even when they are in a winning position). This year seems no different as they lost their first three games. And still I hope. Still I support them. Still I want them to win. Setting myself up for inevitable disappointment and despair, maybe? So I thought about hope a lot lately, and was reminded of these verses from Romans: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering...

There are some things in life that need to be perfect in order to be effective. Things like balance sheets in the financial world (although my Accounting teacher jokingly said that, if your balance sheet in an Accounting exam balances out perfectly on your first go, you probably made a mistake somewhere...), rocket science (a microscopic error in calculation may mean astronauts missing their destination by miles), and grammar/punctuation (example: "Let's eat, grandma!" vs. "Let's eat grandma!" Punctuation saves lives...). Jesus also expects perfection from His family of followers. Read Matthew 5:48. "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (NIVUK) Does this mean the pressure is on to get everything right every time? Does this mean we'll be in trouble if we make mistakes? Not quite. Jesus is talking to His followers about loving their enemies. He says that everyone and anyone can love those who love them back. That...

I was on a train today. It was fairly full when I got on, but after a couple of stops a lot of people got off and I was able to get a seat. At the next stop a lady, probably in her 20's (I'm horrible at guessing age...), got on the train and, having no open seats in the carriage, grabbed a handrail in front of me. I immediately felt the urge to offer her my seat (which would have made my mum proud), and just at that moment I had a tinge of uncertainty. What if she was the type of feminist who might take offence at a man offering her a seat? What if she tells me off for being patronising (which I was not!) in front of a train carriage full of people? There was no way of knowing... Though this would probably have been the weakest type of suffering I would have faced all week, it still reminded me of something Peter wrote in his first epistle. "For it is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil." ~1 Peter 3:17~ The rest of that...

I hate hearing people chewing loudly, or smooching sloppy, wet kisses in public spaces. It's a thing. So sitting on this train a couple of years ago, having to listen to a young couple expressing their infatuation with one another in a very loud, public manner was somewhat uncomfortable, to say the least. I very nearly got off the train at one of our stops to wait for a next train. "Get a room!" was my first thought. Or get another train, please... They didn't seem to care whether people feel uncomfortable with their public display of affection at all. And, luckily, neither does Jesus. In John 17 we get a beautiful insight into Christ's prayer life. We are almost invited into the conversation Jesus has with the Father. And it is beautiful. This got me thinking. Jesus' relationship with the Father and the Holy Spirit wasn't something that He kept private. He tells us what He's praying about. He tells us what the Father is doing and saying. He shares...

There is a worship song that was fairly popular a while ago. I'm sure it's still popular in some churches, but I don't like it as a worship song anymore. The reason being that it's not so much a worship song as a song that reminds me who I am in Christ. This isn't a bad thing at all! We need to be reminded of who we are in Christ. I just find it difficult to sing those lyrics with my eyes closed in worship, because I'm basically singing to myself. About myself. With my eyes closed... And that's become a thing in the world we are lucky to live in at the moment. It becomes all about me and my  experience and how I  perceive the world and what my  destiny is; often at a cost to others. It isn't only a so-called "worldly" thing either. This mentality has crept into the Church too. Many of the modern worship songs we sing seem to have evolved from God-centric (it's not a real word, but should help convey the message) to self-centredness. We...

I am a pretty sentimental person. Or I was, at least, before moving to the UK where there just isn't enough space in a London flat to keep all the cards, candy wrappers, ticket stubs, books, love letters, etc. that I promise myself to look at in fond remembrance of dates, birthdays and special events. And then never do. But at the moment of receiving the card, reading the letter, holding the ticket stub, I am fully convinced that I will always hold on to this, because it is special and without the keepsake, the memory might be lost. The danger is, though, that we assign value to our experiences according to the sentiment we do or do not feel towards that experience. More so, I think, in the presently growing culture of documenting everything we do on Instagram, taking selfies and leaving them in the recesses of storage space on our phones, or waiting for the Facebook reminders of what we posted today a year (or two, three, four...) ago. And though it's good to remember and us...

It seems that there is a restlessness in most human beings: an urge to grow, to develop, to explore, to move, to break free, to peek around the corner, to go beyond the horizon. It can take on any shape, really: learning a new language, changing careers, going on an adventure, making more money, moving house/city/country. The list can go on and on, each item as unique as the person who longs for it. Often, as Christians, we can see this urge as either a call of God or a worldly distraction, depending on what we see as Godly or worldly. And so the question arises: "Should I stay or should I go?" (where 'to stay' means to remain in the status quo, and 'to go' means to change something). And, often times in my experience, God remains oddly silent on the subject. Annoyingly so. We have come to love and appreciate the "universal short answer" or the "catchy catch phrase" that "resonates with me at the moment." It's easy to say ...

I'll be honest. I usually am when writing, but I feel the need to make this clear at the start of this blog post for reasons that will become apparent later on. I am scared. There. I said it. Even with every Afrikaner male fibre of pride and "quiet strength" in my psyche screaming not to admit it, I said it. I made myself vulnerable. And I'm admitting my fear because there may be someone else also feeling scared right now. Maybe you will find solace in what I have to say. Brexit. Global warming and climate change. Anti-vaxxers and the resurgence of various diseases that should have been dealt with long ago. Religious division (yes, even division and disunity within certain denominations of Christian churches, let alone different denominations and, dare I say it, different religions). Knife crime. Mass shootings. Corruption. War and violent conflict. Strikes. Poor leadership. Economic inequality. Gender inequality. Social injustice. Poverty. Hunger. And the list ...

So far 2019 hasn't exactly been the wonderful, blessed year I had hoped it would be. You know, you go into a new year and you have certain hopes and maybe some goals to work towards. And you expect it won't be all smooth sailing, but you're optimistic that you'll be able to take the challenges in your stride and that everything will work out well in the end. We tend to have this expectation that the good stuff (things we sometimes call blessings in the Christian vocabulary) will at least balance out the bad stuff (a.k.a. challenges, struggles, attacks from the evil one...) and at best significantly outweigh them. That seems fair. That seems like something non-Christians can get behind and start following Jesus for. And I wish it was always like that, but it's not. So we ask ourselves The Questions: Did I do something wrong? Did someone else do something wrong? Did God make a mistake? Did He forget about me? Then we try to draw connections between what we expecte...

When I was younger and, dare I say it, more naïve, I was part of many ministry teams and outreach groups. On one of these teams we did a spiritual gifts test, almost like a personality test, but for spiritual gifts. Faith (the ability to remember God's promises and to hold on to His Word amidst circumstantial difficulty) was one of my top ones. Since then my faith has been tested and have come up short, often. Now, facing overwhelming odds with no physical or material answers to very real questions, my faith is tested again. I don't know where the money and resources for all I believe God is calling me into will come from, which in itself makes me wonder whether God really is calling me into these things. I don't have enough faith, it seems. Not anymore. Almost like the man we read about in Mark 8:22-26. He was blind. By all accounts it was his friends who brought him to Jesus and asked Jesus to heal him. This man seems oddly quiet in the presence of Jesus, the one Person...